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When you are overweight...

When you are overweight you take on a behavior that is a defense mechanism to protect your feelings from others. Society has no idea how I see them from my eyes. I am judged by my weight, not by my personality or my work ethic.

I never forgot about two years ago, I was going to get married and I was talking to my boss about it and all she could say to me was are you going to bring that down. Referring to my stomach, really? I was sharing with you one of the most important decisions in my life and you ask me that question.

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I was told by another person that I come off not in control because I was over weight to Human Resources so my chances are hindered when applying to certain jobs.

Men think I am desperate because I am large, HA!! Those of you who have been sleeping under a rock, BBW's are some of the most sought after women but a lot of men are in the closet about us. Trust me I have had no problems meeting a man or having one. It might not have been the right one but I had one, (smile).

Trust me I have had men date me and then because their friends teased them, they dumped me. It was painful knowing that a another person would sacrifice a friendship or relationship because of your appearance wasn't pleasing to their friends. I remember one time I met this guy and took him with me to my friends house for a get together. We we're having a great time but when he got intoxicated he let me know that his friends would give him a hard time about me and would laugh at him so we couldn't date ever again, I was crushed because we had to drive home together and he was totally unaware of what happened. About two weeks later, I saw him at a local bar that I hung out at and he tried to get my attention, I walked by him like I never saw him in my life.

I dated another guy that liked me (I thought) but then one day told me how he usually dates women who look like Sanaa Latham and he really thought all fat people stunk. Well, I didn't look like Sanaa Latham but thank God I didn't stink and was able to dispel that myth and I asked him what was he trying to do with me, get over some phobia? He had to go.

I even had women do the same to me. I had a female friends how me a picture of when I was skinny and tell me look at you. I had another friend show me a picture of what I looked like when I gained weight and told me it's time for a diet.I have had another friend ask me in front of her mother, what happened to my diet. I have been socially isolated because of my weight but it's ok, I forgave them because they didn't understand my pain and what I was going through. They don't understand it's not like I enjoy this, I am sick.

So, the affectation of being overweight has caused me to become someone else. To be a people pleaser, to accommodate folks to make them comfortable around me. To show them that hey this fat girl is ok, she is funny and nice. Somehow anger and meanness is associated with large women and men go figure. Fighting stereotypes is tiring. So I have to be non threatening so others are comfortable around me. Wow, I am now realizing how much I compromised myself.

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Posted in Health and Medical Post Date 04/05/2018


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